Tuesday, October 1, 2019

Blog Tour Kick Off: Dark Justice by Angela Smith @angelaswriter #romantic #suspense


DARK JUSTICE
Angela Smith
* Romantic Suspense *


Title: DARK JUSTICE
Author: Angela Smith
Publisher: Independent
Pages: 249
Genre: Romantic Suspense



She’s in love with her sister’s killer…

Lauren has loved Luke since first grade. They planned to marry—until he murdered her sister. The moment he was sentenced to prison, Lauren fled with her secret baby and made a new life. Now she’ll do anything to keep their daughter safe. But her hard won peace shatters when Luke is exonerated, and it sets her on a path of mixed emotions to discover the truth. Letting a killer into their tightly knit family is out of the question. Or is it?

She almost destroys her life by threatening his…


Prison stole his future with Lauren and twelve years of Luke’s life, so the last thing he needs from her is a knife in the back or a gun in his face. Lauren believes he killed her sister, and he has no plans to pick up where they left off. Luke can’t afford to trust her, but he wants nothing more than to convince her he’s worth fighting for.

Their daughter is in danger…


Luke is heartbroken when he learns they had a child together. Now his daughter is in danger. Lauren trusted the wrong person for far too long, but he hopes she’ll now trust him. Luke will risk everything to keep them safe. And Lauren will risk everything if she lets him into her heart.

★ ORDER YOUR COPY

Amazon → www.amzn.com/B07TZWHCC3

 Barnes & Noble → https://tinyurl.com/y4j5n4yd

 

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______________________


Luke—Twelve Years Ago

“All rise for the jury.”
I stand, my legs unsteady. The jurors filter in, one by one, their eyes downcast. Those who look, only glance at the prosecutor. 
Not me or my defense attorney.
Wayne’s breath hitches. It’s a whispery whoosh, a sound he likely doesn’t realize he’s made, but it tells me everything I need to know. I almost collapse in defeat.
He thinks they found me guilty. And by their expressions, I agree.
I size up the crowd gathering in the courtroom. 
Most of them sit on the prosecutor’s side. Clint is there. Once my best friend, but now I’m convinced he’s a killer. He’s next to Lauren. The love of my life and the one I presumed would stand by my side forever. But since she believes I killed her sister, I guess I can’t blame her for turning her back on me.
But Clint? Fear curls my spine. He’s charming, I’ll give him that, but he’s an absolute psycho. Nobody in Lauren’s family will listen, especially Lauren. And before all this, I wouldn’t have believed Clint is the killer. He killed her sister. How do I know she won’t be next? How can I protect her if I’m locked in prison for the rest of my life?
The judge drones on about the charge, then asks the jury if they’ve reached a decision. Wayne shifts and gives me a blink that tells me he wants to make sure I’m aware of what’s going on. I’m eighteen, for God’s sake. How could anyone my age understand criminal justice?
He’s warned me of how you can never predict a jury, but this group of fourteen holds their heads high as if they’ve never been surer in their lives. Two of them are alternate jurors, so it’s up to five men and seven women to decide my fate.
An older gentleman hands the bailiff the verdict. I hold my breath, and the judge reads. “We the jury find the defendant, Lucas Donovan Fuller, guilty of murder.”
Gasps fill the room. Chaos erupts, at least in my bones. More like a commotion, nothing too disastrous to alert the judge, and something he’s probably accustomed to. He only regards the crowd. A lot of loud talking, crying, and my mother’s wails. He’s way more patient than me and waits for everyone’s reaction to subside.
My muscles grow weak. I badly want to sit and wonder when I’m allowed. I want to reach out to Lauren. Tell her I’m sorry this happened, I didn’t do it, she has to trust me, and please, please don’t trust Clint. I open my mouth to say these things, but my attorney stations his hand on my shoulder, as if his one palm is going to keep me silent.
He warned me over and over not to react. I’m not allowed to speak. I am barely allowed to move, and I can’t look her way, although I shift to do so. The bailiff puffs out his chest and walks closer, as if I’m going to bolt.
“Calm down,” Wayne says. “We still have punishment. Don’t make a scene.”
Why shouldn’t I react? This is life changing. My life is over. I’m going to prison. The judge hasn’t declared a final sentence but after everyone’s testimony, I’ve started to believe my own guilt. I’m likely going to prison for the rest of my life.
****
Luke—Present Day

Luke Fuller’s pen scribbled across the page. His heart hammered while he wrote the words, ears filling with the deep drum of his heartbeat as if he was re-experiencing the event. Tired of writing, he shut the notebook and tossed it on the wrought-iron table beside him, along with his cap and shades. He stood and opened the grill to check the ribeye.
Food would be ready in a few minutes, and all he needed was right here. A little salt and pepper, paper plates and plastic forks to eat with, and a cooler full of drinks. Even a hundred feet from the river, the bullfrogs’ croaking put him at ease.
A sound he never expected to hear again.
He closed the grill, grabbed a beer from the ice chest, and lounged on the patio chair. It took a while for his heartbeat to settle. Writing these memories was difficult, harder than he expected, and his body ached from the flashbacks.
The sun descended, a showcase of gold fueled by rain clouds and humidity. He loved the open porch and didn’t want a screen to filter him and the outdoors. With bug spray, sleeping out here at night was a dream come true, despite the oppressive mugginess. Lightning flashed in the south, implying the much-needed shower was near. Nothing better than the clatter of rain on the roof.
Even the mosquitoes avoided the Texas July heat, but he’d take heat over the prison cell where he’d spent the past twelve years of his life. He’d take it over that any damn day.
LED lights strung across the porch offered a soft glow to ease him come sundown. He hated the darkness. Too many reminders of prison and the things he wanted to forget. But this darkness out in the country was peaceful, welcoming, different. Almost bearable.
A car drove up, the headlights zipping through the trees. His muscles tensed. He studied the nearby monitor attached to the front security camera. The car parked, the lights shut off. His lungs tightened, burned, then disintegrated when the woman stepped out and sauntered to the back.
She remembered. Friends always came to the back door. But she was no friend.
He blinked, his gut churning. Was he dreaming? Hallucinating after writing those memories? Lauren shone bright in his mind, even the seductive scent of honey and berries he once loved to sample behind her ear.
Her footsteps echoed up the stairs, and she came into view. She was no illusion. He remained sitting, nonchalant and drinking his beer as if he had no care in the world.
His mouth dried. The beer a sour tang. Her presence meant nothing good.
She thought he’d killed her sister. The entire community deemed him guilty before a jury of his peers sentenced him to life in prison. His sisters never stopped fighting to prove his innocence. He was released two months ago thanks to Adrienne and Charlotte and the team of defense attorneys who fought for him.
But he favored prison over the look of revulsion on Lauren’s face. A flowing skirt skimmed her knees, the imprinted flowers rivaling the charm of the countryside. Her slender body was as gorgeous as ever, heating him in ways better left ignored. She wore open-toed sandals. He never understood why she chose those shoes while hiking. They had to stop many times during their treks to pluck out grass burrs.
At one time, they didn’t mind the interruption.
Her dirty blonde hair was darker, accented by rich caramel, and the image of her ocean blue eyes burned in his memory. Despite the similarities, she wasn’t the same woman who once loved him.
He didn’t flinch when she pointed the pistol his direction. He continued to sip his beer, his ears tingling with the chatter of June bugs and crickets. If she wanted to shoot him, so be it.
Although he hadn’t killed her sister, he was just as much to blame. He had been selfish in spending his time with Lauren and didn’t mind leaving her sister alone. He trusted his best friend, had known him since grade school, but ignored his recent questionable tendencies. The town of Terrence was quick to point fingers while the real killer roamed free.
****
Lauren—Present Day

Lauren Cooper pointed the pistol at Luke, knees knocking and thighs quaking. She was proud of herself for keeping a steady grip despite her sweaty palms.
She’d practiced plenty, eyeing her target, strengthening her resolve. Today, Luke Fuller was her target. Maybe her first moving target—although he didn’t move, didn’t even flinch—and definitely her first human target. Still, she’d often imagined him on the other end of her gun.
What was she thinking? She risked losing her job over this, even facing jail time, for threatening with a firearm. Was it worth it to lose everything she’d worked so hard for? Even worse, to risk her daughter’s wellbeing?
Luke had murdered Elizabeth, was released, and now another man accused. But not just any man. Clint Merkel. A close friend. Almost family.
Thousands of times she’d confronted Luke in her dreams. Robbed him of life as brutally as he had robbed her twelve-year-old sister’s. More like nightmares. The man she once loved with all her heart. The jury had convicted him, but now he was exonerated. Doubts still clouded her mind. The newest facts couldn’t obliterate twelve years of certainty, no matter how credible.
Her spine clenched. She had tossed and turned and cried herself to sleep for years. Her emotions skyrocketed all over the place. Suppressed memories jumbled out of her. Memories of his kiss, his embrace, their shared lives, their plans. In high school, they’d been dubbed Luke and Lauren. She didn’t want to plan college without questioning where he’d go. They were a team, a couple and everybody—including her—presumed they’d stay together after high school.
Stupid to give her life away to a man, to halt her ambitions and plans. And then one fateful night the truth had been discovered, and the cops had placed the cuffs on his wrists.
He was still the most handsome man she had ever seen. Still captivated her. The sting of attraction needled through her muscles, her bones, her heartbeat. Her pulsed thrummed into her toes. She fought to stand her ground and reveal nothing about his effect on her.
Thunder boomed. She jumped. The rain began a harsh and fast hammering on the roof. 
He sipped his beer, body relaxing as if knowing she wasn’t about to pull the trigger. He remained unaffected by the thunder, by the deluge, and by her presence.
“You going to shoot me or not?” He shrugged one shoulder, his drawl tightening the shivers in her stomach. Heat flared under her skin, the familiar anger—the reason she came here—blazed to her core. Him all casual, enjoying a beer while smoke billowed from his fire pit. The spices of the steak tore knots in her throat.
But she wasn’t only angry at him. She was angry at herself for letting him charm her.
The storm doused the dusk, but miniature lights lined the porch. She saw every inch of him and the way his gaze slid over her. They had studied each other for hours when they were younger, in love and carefree. The green of his eyes soaked up the earth and emitted the colors of eternity. They were harder, his face bearing a few scars only she might notice.
He dropped his beer to the table beside him. “What are you doing, Lauren? Just shoot me already. I’ve practically been dead these past years, anyway.”
Her throat closed. She refused to imagine what he experienced these last few years.
Luke shifted forward and frowned, let out a rickety cough, then perched his elbows on his knees. He swiped a hand over his face, then continued. “Look. I’m sorry about everything. Sorry you had to go through the loss of your sister and you believed I did it. Sorry I couldn’t comfort you. I’m… just sorry.”
His wobbly voice shattered her reserves. His movements broadcasted an unexpected nervousness. She let out a whoosh of breath, every fiber of her being sinking into a black hole of misery. Tears rolled out of her, hot and choking. Her grip on the gun wavered but remained clasped in her fingers.
He stood and swaggered toward her. His heavy-booted steps on the wooden planks thudded in her ears. She wanted to back away, but her butt rested against the porch railing and an invisible anchor rooted her to the ground.
She swayed.
Her hands shook, and her best interest was to put down the gun before somebody got hurt. Most likely her.
She lowered the pistol. He stopped in front of her and took it. She was too weak, too helpless to fight. His presence suctioned every bit of her power.
He set the gun on the ground. She jumped as another round of thunder boomed. Rain pounded the roof. Droplets hit her skin, but not enough to matter. She craved the cool refreshment. He stood facing her, his eyes boring into hers. She licked her lips as if drawing sustenance from that one small move, a move that drew his gaze to her mouth.
She swayed again, about to fall. He grabbed her and pulled her into his arms.
“Careful.” His words wisped across her ear and trailed down her spine to spool into a reservoir of lust in her loins.
She planted the top of her head against his chest and sobbed as he held her. Her shoulders shook, the tears escaping in violent torrents. She couldn’t stop no matter how hard she wanted to.
He smelled like mesquite smoke and musk, along with crisp grass cuttings under Texas sunshine. Stupid, stupid to imagine such things.
The tears were a release. A goodbye she never had a chance to say.
Had she believed he was capable of murder? She refused to listen to his sister when she begged. All the evidence pointed to him. The police, the prosecutor, even the city mayor had convinced her.
How could they all be wrong? Her mind churned with questions. Questions she should have asked before she’d threatened him with a gun.
His fingers skated up her hair, and he tucked a piece behind her ear. She straightened her spine and lifted her head, willing her body to fight the attraction as her tears dried.
“I don’t know if I believe it,” she finally said.
“What? That I didn’t do it?”
She nodded, her limbs weak and trembling.
 “Well, if Clint didn’t do it, why did he run?”
She wondered the same thing, but Clint being a killer was terrifying, even more so than Luke, considering she’d entrusted her daughter with him.
She lowered her head and sniffled. He placed his fingers under her chin and forced her to look at him.
Not a force but a slow, gentle move. He had always been gentle. Clint had been the edgy one, the one who tested her nerves. And yet after Luke had been accused of murdering her sister, she had turned to Clint as a friend and let him take part in her life. How had he manipulated her? How had she allowed it? Her belly flopped, the drying tears searing her throat.
She’d always felt safe with Luke. Safe, yet vulnerable, because her heart was at risk.
He dropped his hand from her chin and finger brushed her hair. Her neck tingled. She longed to savor his mouth on hers after all these years.
“I’ve imagined being in front of you, begging you to listen.” His voice was a slow deep penetration to the core of her being. Something impossible to pull away from. “I did not kill your sister, and as much pain as I knew you were in, it broke my heart you never gave me a chance.”
She lifted her chin higher and stared straight into his eyes. “And I imagined having the chance to stand in front of you and kill you.”
A strangled sob escaped him. His eyes flickered. Her body grew warm with regret. Regret for her words, regret for refusing to hear him out so many years ago, and regret for wanting him so much she hurt.
“You’ve got that chance now. Why don’t you take it?”




 

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Angela Smith is a Texas native who, years ago, was dubbed most likely to write a novel during her senior year in high school. She always had her nose stuck in a book, even hiding them behind her textbooks during school study time. Her dream began at a young age when her sister started reciting ‘Brer Rabbit’ after their mom read it to them so often. She told her mom she’d write a story one day and never gave up on that dream even though her mom was never able to see it come to fruition. By day, she works as a certified paralegal and office manager at her local District Attorney’s office and spends her free time with her husband, their pets, and their many hobbies. Although life in general keeps her very busy, her passion for writing and getting the stories out of her head tends to make her restless if she isn’t following what some people call her destiny.

★ WEBSITE & SOCIAL LINKS: ★

Website → http://www.loveisamystery.com

Blog → www.loveisamystery.com/my-blog

Twitter → www.twitter.com/angelaswriter

Facebook → www.facebook.com/authorangelasmith



http://www.pumpupyourbook.com
 

Book Trailer Blitz Kick Off: Save Him by William M. Hayes #booktrailer @wmhayes_author







Title: SAVE HIM
Author: William M. Hayes
Publisher: Independent
Pages: 245
Genre: Military Faith-based Thriller


Rydel Scott, a brilliant scientist working at a secret military lab, accidentally discovers a form of time travel while working on a project designed to save wounded soldiers in the field. Rydel’s sister, a woman of faith, tells Rydel on her deathbed that she has received a message from God. The message—save Jesus Christ from the cross.

And Rydel Scott travels back in time to do just that.

It is believed even the smallest change to the past can cause catastrophic repercussions for future generations. An elite military unit is sent back in time to hunt Rydel down before he can alter history and possibly kill millions in the process.

The unit and its commanding officers, Colonel John Adams and Unit Commander Ray Catlin, become divided. Catlin, a devout Catholic, claims he witnessed a miracle by Jesus upon arrival in Jerusalem and fervently believes in Rydel’s mission. Adams hasn’t believed in God since he was a boy and his only concern is the safety of the people in the present. They must now choose between the fate of Christ and the fate of present-day mankind.

They must decide if they will Save Him.

★★★★★ORDER YOUR COPY★★★★★

Amazon → https://tinyurl.com/y3veph29

 Barnes & Noble → https://tinyurl.com/y4rw4sgm


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William M. Hayes lives with his beautiful family in a small suburb in New York. His passion for writing became apparent in his twenties, and he dreams of retiring to a secluded beach house where he can write all day.

★ WEBSITE & SOCIAL LINKS: ★

Website → www.williammhayes.com

Twitter → https://twitter.com/WMHayes_Author

Facebook → https://www.facebook.com/WilliamMHayesAuthor/


http://www.pumpupyourbook.com
 

Blog Tour Kick Off: The Ninth Session by Deborah Serani @DeborahSerani #psychological #suspense


THE NINTH SESSION
Deborah Serani
* Psychological Suspense *


Title: THE NINTH SESSION: A PSYCHOLOGICAL SUSPENSE NOVEL
Author: Deborah Serani
Publisher: TouchPoint Press
Pages: 190
Genre: Psychological Suspense/Thriller



Dr. Alicia Reese, a recent widow and a CODA – a child of Deaf Adults, takes on a new patient. Lucas Ferro reveals the reason for his consultation is that he wasn’t really open with his previous therapist. After gaining Reese’s trust, he shares aspects of his life that are clearly disturbing – experiences that create anxiety and panic, but also reveal horrifying psychopathology. Instead of referring Ferro elsewhere, Reese chooses to continue working with him, feeling reinvigorated by the challenge of his case.

As sessions progress, and Ferro’s disclosures become more menacing, Reese finds herself wedged between the cold hard frame of professional ethics and the integrity of personal truth – and learns just how far she’s willing to go, willing to risk and willing to lose to do the right thing.

★★★★★ORDER YOUR COPY★★★★★

Amazon → https://tinyurl.com/y6qz2sto

 

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______________________



First Chapter
Session One
Monday, June 5


The light slowly filtered in from the other room as I opened the door. This was the last moment of the unknown, where two strangers meet and a life story begins.
Most times, I've no idea which seat in the waiting room a new patient will choose. Sometimes, though, I can make a good guess from the initial phone call. Usually, the depressed patient, feeling weak with fatigue, sits in the first seat available, whereas the anxious person, eager to feel relief, selects the seat closest to the consultation room.
Not that it really matters. There are only six chairs in my waiting room.
 “Mr. Ferro?” I rolled my neck around the waiting room. Then checked my watch. Eight o'clock on the dot. Seeing no one, I pressed my lips together. Did I make the appointment for eight or eight fifteen?
I left the door ajar, walked to my desk, and re-checked my schedule. I slid my finger down the Monday, June 5th grid in my appointment book to the eight o’clock hour, and there was his name: Lucas Ferro. He’d be my last appointment of the night.
Okay, it’s for eight o’clock.
Maybe he’s running late.       
While I waited, I reviewed my notes from my telephone conversation with Ferro. I opened the crisp manila file and heard a shuffling, then a sputtering hiss of air in the waiting room. I turned toward the sound, unsure of what it was.         A magazine falling on the floor?                                                                                                The air conditioning shutting off?                                                                I listened for another moment or two and, hearing nothing more, went back to my desk.    My office suite was a beautiful setting and one I didn’t mind spending so many hours in. The waiting room, a spacious rectangle, was lined with several Ficus trees and exotic plants, paintings from local artists, and burled wood furniture contemporary in design. The thickly upholstered leather chairs were caramel in color, and the teal-flecked carpet stretched from wall to wall. The vaulted ceiling housed three skylights, flooding the room with an abundance of natural light.   My consultation office was just as large, and there was ample room for my desk, two chairs, and the proverbial psychoanalyst's couch–and of course, an etched nameplate on the door: Alicia Reese, Ph.D. Psychologist.                                           Across from the built-in bookcase was a long picture window overlooking Oyster Bay. At this time of night, the evening sunset gleamed across the water, layering the inlet with a silvery orange hue.   I turned my attention back to the Ferro file, and I heard it again.
Thumping movements.
Hissing sounds of air.
Then silence.
“What is that?” I asked aloud with growing curiosity.
I'd been working in this building fifteen years and knew all its creaks, thuds, and mechanical whirrs. But I couldn’t decipher these sounds. They weren’t familiar.
I tapped my pocket, confirming the presence of my panic remote. In all the years I’d been in practice, I never found a need to use it.
I got up from my desk and moved toward the door that led to the waiting room. An emerging sense of uneasiness took hold. I heard a hollow voice say something I couldn’t catch and then trail off.
I jolted forward, took out the panic alarm, and held my thumb on the button, ready to send the signal. I entered the waiting room but saw no one.
Again it happened.
The bang of something hitting the ground.
Then a rush of air.
I focused my vision on the sounds, turning my gaze toward the far right corner of the reception room.
The darkened bathroom.
I walked in willed steps toward the nearly closed door. Drawing in a deep breath, I opened it all the way with a poke of my index finger.
There, standing against the corner wall, was the shadow of Lucas Ferro having a panic attack.
“The tile...it’s cool,” Ferro said, breathing raggedly like a drowning swimmer.
Hissing sounds of air.
“It’s okay, Mr. Ferro.” I followed his frenzied movements with my eyes. “I’m gonna step away and give you some room.”
I flicked on the bathroom light as I moved away. As the room brightened, I saw Ferro's face. It was sweaty and chalk white. His black hair flopped in wet patches across his forehead, and his eyes were narrow slits of blue. His body moved in spasms, halting and then starting again.
Ferro tugged at his shirt collar as he drew in rapid breaths. Watching him, I felt the anxiety leave my body and the return of my clinical posture. This was a crisis, and I went into crisis mode.
“I want you to listen to my voice as you take in a deep, slow breath.”
 Ferro lifted his shoulders, straightening himself from the stooped position against the wall. His knees bent several times as if unable to bear his own weight. Then, all at once, his body buckled toward the sink, but he anchored his two hands on the porcelain base to steady himself. As he drew in a series of deep breaths and huffed them coarsely through his mouth, his feet wobbled and slapped the tiled floor.
Thumping movements.
“You’re doing great,” I said. “You're gonna be just fine.”
Soon, color began to return to his face.
“I want you to slow your breathing even more. Like this.” I modeled the technique for him.
Ferro followed my instructions and formed a slower breathing pattern, ending the hyperventilation that gripped him. Bit by bit, he raised himself to a solid standing posture. A self-conscious impulse took over as he saw his reflection in the mirror. Ferro slicked back his hair with his fingers, smoothed his clothing, and blotted the sweat from his face with a swipe of his arm. Then he smiled at me weakly.
The crisis was over.
As he found his way back from this acute attack, I realized there was no longer a need for me to be holding the panic alarm. I tucked it back into my pocket. I waited for what I thought was a good moment to ask my very first question.
“Can you move out of the bathroom?”
Ferro nodded his head and walked toward the reception area. Upon moving into the waiting room, his eyes sought my approval to sit down.
“Yes, of course,” I said.
He slumped into the chair and tilted his head back against the wall. I moved a few seats away and waited for him to find a sense of balance.
In the long stretch of silence that followed, I studied him in sidelong glances, trying not to be obvious. He was young, probably mid-to-late twenties, and his dark blue eyes glowed with intensity. He was dressed in a green and white Abercrombie & Fitch shirt. There was a moose logo on the left chest pocket. His slacks were washed in a dark tan hue, and he wore no socks with his deck shoes. On his wrist, a flash of gold—a watch with chunky links. He was vulnerable right now, but as the panic faded, I noticed he was muscular in build. And tall. Six feet or more.
We remained quiet in the room for a while. I was always good with silence. It was a comfortable experience.
“I’m worried you won’t be able to help me,” Ferro said finally. His voice was dry, cracking slightly.
“What makes you say that?”
He was silent as he regarded me. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to find the right words or still seized by panic. The silence stretched as he continued looking at the ceiling, occasionally rubbing his hands over his eyes and face. He cleared his throat several times, fighting the dryness.
“Let me get you some water,” I said, getting up. I filled a paper cup with cold tap water in the bathroom.
Ferro drank it down in one large gulp. He crumpled the cup and rolled the shapeless form between his hand and fingers.
“Been in therapy before. Nothing’s helped,” he spoke again.
“But you’re here tonight. Something made you feel hopeful.”
Ferro said nothing but shifted restlessly in his seat. I gave him a few moments before leaning forward to talk again. Just then, he stopped moving altogether and turned his gaze toward me. It was a searching look, and at that instant, it was as if he was seeing me for the first time.
"I guess... I’m hoping you can help me.”
“How about we move into my office?”
A beat later, Ferro nodded.
Wanting him to find a level of comfort, I avoided unnecessary words or actions as he made his way into the consultation room. He walked and sat in a nearby chair. He drew in a few deep breaths trying to get comfortable, but it felt like he could take flight at any moment—leaving the session altogether.                          “I’m not exactly sure where to begin.”                                                              “Why don’t you tell me how long you’ve had these attacks?” It seemed a good starting point.
“About two years.”
My eyes widened. “A long time.”
“Yeah,” Ferro replied.
“Any idea why they happen?” 
“It’s –uh—it's complicated.”
“Complications are my specialty.”        
Ferro laughed and sat back a little further in his chair.
"Tell me about your work with Dr. Karne," I asked, giving him another place to start. Dr. Paula Karne was a well-regarded psychologist who practiced cognitive behavior therapy in Great Neck.
“Saw her for a few months, y'know, trying to stop the anxiety."
"What kinds of things did you work on?"
"Changing how I think, replacing bad habits with better ones. Stuff like that."
"I see."
Cognitive behavior therapy focuses on in-the-moment issues and how to change them to find greater well-being. Though I worked differently than Dr. Karne, my goal would be the same: to help the patient feel better.
Ferro cleared his throat and spoke again. "I wasn’t always totally honest with her, though.”
“How do you mean?”
“Didn’t exactly tell her what was really bothering me. Thought I’d just go there and learn how to control things. That’s all I really wanted anyway.”
“To control the panic on your own,” I said, reframing his thoughts.
“Yeah. But I know I gotta be more open. That’s why I decided to try again.”
“Being honest is important in therapy.”
Silence came down like a curtain, and we lingered in its folds for a while.
"Why do you think it was hard to be more open with Dr. Karne?" I asked him.
"Well, she doesn't really work like that."
"True," I eased back in my seat. "She works just with the behaviors you have. She doesn't get into the nitty gritty things like emotions, memories."           
Ferro nodded in agreement.
“Well, what’s honesty mean to you?” I asked when it was clear he wasn’t going to speak again.
“Showing all the cards, I guess. Talking about things I don’t wanna share.”
“And feeling things."
Ferro nodded. "Makes me feel weak.”
“How so?”
“I really don’t like needing other people.”
“Dependency makes you feel weak?”
“Yeah.”
"Have there been times in the past where needing others wasn’t easy?” This was a gentle probe to move him deeper into his thoughts. Ferro said nothing, shutting down by looking away. Sensing I might be moving too quickly, I shifted my approach. “We can talk about those kinds of things at a later time.”                                           “It’s hard to just open up to someone you meet.”
“I get that.”
Keeping track of time, I checked the clock on the end table where Ferro sat. The session was nearing its end. So much occurred and yet so little was done to obtain a formal clinical interview. 
“We have just a few more minutes. How about scheduling another appointment?”
“Uh, okay,” he said, handing me the shapeless cup.
I took it from him, wondering why he hadn’t placed it in the trashcan himself.
“How about seeing me on Wednesday?”
“Twice a week?” 
“Actually, I was thinking three times a week.”
            Ferro glanced out the window and then raised his eyes to mine. As he did this, he shrugged his shoulders. "All right."                                                                        We’ll look at why you're feeling anxiety, explore your early childhood, your connections to others.”                                                                                      Ferro nodded.                                                                                                  “Do you know much about Psychoanalysis?”                                                     A little. Dr. Karne talked about it.”                                                                        “We’re going to explore your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, but in a deeper way.”                                                                                                                            The unconscious.”                                                                                                       Yes,” I said, pleased he was familiar with the term. “These techniques will help us kick your anxiety to the curb."                                                                         I'd like that.”                                                                                                   How does seven o’clock work for you?”                                                                         Ferro nodded. I picked up a pen and filled in the Wednesday, June 7th slot. Taking an appointment card from the holder on my desk, I completed his name, the time, and the date. His eyes seemed glued to my every movement.                             Here you go,” I said as I held out the card.We have to stop.”   That’s it, then?”                                                                                                           For now.”                                                                                                                   The arc of the session went from one extreme to the other. Lucas Ferro walked into my office at his worst and left seemingly in control.                                 See you Wednesday, Dr. Reese.” Ferro paused, looked at me, and extended his hand.                                                                                                               Many classical analysts hold back from any form of touch in sessions. I was a modern analyst, and incidental touch wasn’t something taboo to me.                   See you Wednesday,” I said and met his hand with my own.                                   His grip was firm and tight.


 

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Deborah Serani is an award-winning author and psychologist who has been in practice for thirty years. She is also a professor at Adelphi University and is a go-to media expert for psychological issues. Her interviews can be found in Newsday, Psychology Today, The Chicago Tribune, The New York Times, The Associated Press, and affiliate radio programs at CBS and NPR, among others. Dr. Serani has also been a technical advisor for the NBC television show, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. The recurring character, Judge D. Serani, was named after her.

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